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Thursday, February 4, 2016

Last week was hell at work. It's fucking ridiculous. I waited nine damn days to get a holiday, and then on Sunday there wasn't enough people so the boss asked my coworker if she could ask me to sub for her. Um...NO! And then there wasn't an option to have Monday off or Tuesday or Wednesday. So was I supposed to wait ALMOST 2 weeks for ONE day off? You fucking kidding mate? The fuck I look like?

It's very conflicting. Part of me wants to leave, but part of me likes the job. There's just certain aspects that I find a bit irksome. Like yesterday, for some damn reason the supervisor seemed to be in a bad mood or whatever. I went to slide my card in to check in and went to change; as per usual. The line at the bathroom took AGES cos some of these assholes sit in the toilet and talk on their phone. So I waited nearly 10 minutes just to change and then came back and he's all pissy for no reason and says, "next time you need to change before punching in". Which already sets the mood off as being hostile. Bro, what's your problem? I just said something like, "oh okay then, no need for me to come back to work". It's been nearly FIVE MONTHS and I've been doing this ever since, and all the sudden out of left field you tell me this nonsense. NOT TO MENTION, that the ONLY REASON there was a damn line in the FIRST PLACE was cos I was working the late shift. If I had stuck to the morning shift, there's obviously no goddamn line to wait for. I don't understand some people's thought process. And I certainly don't appreciate his tone. Just because you're pissed off, don't rain on my parade.

And his other problem is, that when he has issues with certain people, he only takes it out on some staff. So there was this one staff that does something wrong, he just complains to me instead of directly telling her. I'm just like...k. BUT when I or the other person (not person A) does something wrong, he's quick to jump the gun.

Anyway, I will not give more energy to this type of nonsense.

So work has been iffy. I seriously CANNOT WAIT for the day I get to leave. I'm so over this place and some of the people. Like I'm just rolling my damn eyes.

And schedule conflicts. I would say that this month will get better. But I doubt it. And next month this other lady wants to take her annual leave, which means I need to do her shift. Whoop de fucking do. But it's okay, I like her, so I'd help her out.

Anyway, gotta go and write down my to-do list and make the most of my day off, before returning to work tomorrow!

Friday, January 22, 2016


Have finally finished reading 'Anna and the French Kiss'. Really adored reading the chemistry between St. Clair and Anna and their journey in France! A few years ago when I had just freshly graduated from high school, I had a burning passion to move to France for a year and bash in the glory of the cafes reading poetry and drinking coffee. I was really dead-set on moving to France and living out my ideal. 5 years later, I'm still stuck in this city doing fuck all and having not yet applied to any unis, despite the fact that February is nearing. I always feel like I'm in a constant state of unrest. I had 2 days off from work this week (yesterday and today) and I've spent it doing not much and I don't really want to return to work. Part of me enjoys working, but then going to work means dealing with people and people are problematic. I can't say that I will be enthusiastic as work, especially when I have almost an entire week of closing shift and then the following day (after continuously working til 10) I have the immense pleasure of waking my ass up earlier to get to work. Fucking la dee da. No matter how much I have tried to wrap my head around it, I'm still pissed off. And I don't feel like engaging in conversation with my coworkers, because who really gives a shit. I'm already pissed off and it's not like anything will bloody change even though I've already said my piece the first month of the bloody job. So it's been 4 months into the job, and I'm beginning to hate it. I hate having to repeat myself and I hate that my next day off is 9 fucking days away. And I hate that I need to justify my schedule and work around it and that barely anybody compromises. I hate it all and I can't wait to leave.

On another note, it's almost midnight and mom's being a nag. Why can't she just go to bed like regular folk.

Good things in life?

There isn't much. I mean besides the standard: having a roof over my head, food in my belly and a bed to sleep in.

I'm not dissatisfied with my job, I just don't feel inclined to be in a constant happy state with my coworkers when they often piss me off and make me feel like my anger isn't justified. I do have 1 coworker that I enjoy the company of though, so it makes dealing with the rest of the bullshit more worth it.

Am still set on my 52 book challenge and am making progress. I have, since my last post, completed 2 books and am currently reading 'Brida'. I also have to read 1 non-fiction a month, as per 'resolutions', so I picked 'The Good Body' by Eve Ensler. I need to finish reading 'Brida' ASAP because the month is coming to an end.

Will probably read a bit more before calling it a day, need to wake up tomorrow and anticipate work. Bleh.

Currently reading: Brida by Paulo Coelho

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Procrastinator Problems

So we are 13 days into the new year. I don't know how I feel about 2016 yet, because in my mind, I felt like 2015 was going to be a great year and that didn't turn out so well.

For the most part, I've stuck with my goals for the year. I have about 7 or 8 in total and I try to vlog daily about how I'm doing with those goals. The only thing I still sort of struggle with is procrastination. For example. I've been telling myself that when I get a day off, I will wake up early and go for a walk, because it's really energizing and freeing. I really love that morning feeling of slight solitude, because often people are rushing to work and waiting in lines, and it's so liberating to be away from that energy and focus on a slowed down pace. Instead, what I end up doing is sleeping late and waking up at like 10 in the morning and just sitting on my ass watching a bunch of junk videos that don't further my life goals in any way, shape or form. Like last night, got home from my night shift and bought some dinner and went to sleep at around 1 or 2am. That's horrible! And now I'm still feeling tired because I slept for 7 hours only. Maybe for some people 7 is a lot of sleep, but for me, the perfect amount is 8 and 9 is even better (especially when I've been sleep deprived the rest of the week).

Work's been alright. But sometimes I feel pissed off because it feels like there's no equilibrium. It's as if only half the team has to do certain things and other people do different things and it's just like WTF. But I don't want to waste my energy on these things, since it's only temporary anyway.

In terms of health...I really need to buy a blender ASAP and have something energy fueling for my body instead of eating shit foods like muffins from Starbucks. My diet is abhorrent, yet me being the slacker that I am, have yet to improve upon it. I know, it seems I'm really down on myself in this post, but I'm not beating myself up, just being realistic. I've been wanting to meal prep for about 5 months now, and even went out to get one of those big meal planner organizers. I have yet to take it out of the packaging. There's just something about meal prep that stresses me out, big time! I tried to combat it by easing the burden, telling myself to only focus on incorporating 1 or 2 new recipes a week so I'd have somewhat of a variety. It also doesn't help that I'm a picky eater. But I need to cut the bull and just  do it.

Other than that, I set myself a 52 books challenge this year and have only just managed to finish reading the book I started 4 months ago. Do you see the problem? I'm such a massive procrastinator. We need to cut ties with this horrible habit.

Currently reading:
Anna and the French Kiss

(I have a bunch of YA books I need to go through before donating them).

Monday, January 11, 2016

It's almost 3pm, and I'm feeling very low energy. The fault is mine, because since waking up at 9am, I haven't had a proper meal. Instead, I opted for cheetos.... definitely not healthy. Got an impromtu day off today, so I'm trying to relish it, but I'm kind of bored. Been looking through YouTube videos and uploading some of my own. I decided to embark on an adventure of my own this year, and that is to record a video daily of my year ahead. So far, in these 11 days, I've missed 3 days, but I'm cool with it. Life happens and we can't always stop what we're doing and do everything all at once. I also set myself a goal of reading 52 books this year, which in 12 months is roughly 4 books a month. I'm almost finished the book I started 3 months ago, so technically cheating, but it's better than not reading. I kind of feel like taking a nap. This is the consequence of having poor eating habits. I made it a goal to lose weight too (cliched goal I'm sure). And for the past few months, I told myself that I'd make myself a meal plan, and 11 days into the new year, I'm left feeling like shit with no energy at 3 in the afternoon. Way to go me. But the thing is, I find meal planning really daunting, and it doesn't help that I'm a super picky eater. I just like eating out more, except that eating out is not efficient for saving nor is it all that healthy.

Work life is going pretty alright, but I'd much prefer having a better job (career) rather than what I'm doing now, but I need to be patient and diligent towards my intentions in life, which, yes I'm procrastinating on. One of my goals for this year was:  procrastinate less, do more. Obviously not following my own advice, as I've been procrastinating calling the bank and seeing what the deal is with my credit card. They lied and said 2 weeks, and after 2 weeks said max 4 weeks. Bro, it's been more than 4 weeks now. The hell. So definitely need to call them TODAY. Will do so after blogging. I studied very briefly for the TOFEL (need it for uni, kind of makes me roll my eyes), but got bored of reading the tedious passages. I know I have a shit ton of work to get done, but all I want to do is lie down. I have dinner plans tonight. God, have work tomorrow again. Eck.

I mean, I don't hate my job, but a job is a job. It's replaceable. It's not where I want to be in life.

Saturday, January 2, 2016


Feeling a bit peeved. Came home at around half seven, it's half nine now, and going to bed in an hour and a half....that's a little bit over my lunch break. Fuck.

Pissed off.

And then it's off to bed in a hurry and then again another 10 hour shift at my bloody job. How do you have a social life, let alone ANY sort of life? I ate dinner and showered, had to bloody vaccuum cos the rat got into my room and was nibbling away at the plastic wrapper to the biscuit INSIDE my drawer and left a mess EVERYWHERE! So there went my hours flying by. I had 3 and a half hours when I arrived home. Now I've got 1 and a half. WHERE DID MY 2 HOURS GO?

Life is so short. It's even shorter when you're stuck in the food industry. Time just goes to shit. What kind of balance is this? I've been feeling enraged around my time being minimum for the past 3 almost 4 months. It's just bullocks. I wake up at 7, get dressed and leave the house. I'm usually half an hour early so I grab breakfast and walk to work. Then it's 8 30am and until 2 30, I'm working. Then after my break I wait for the time to go home. And often, when I'm waiting for the damn bus, it takes a long ass time and when it finally arrives, THERE'S NO SEATS. I've been bloody standing for 9 hours and there's no goddamn seat. Needless to say that leaves me more pissed. By the time I get home it's like near 8pm. I get off at 6 30. And sometimes when we are signing out at work, the bloody managers are no goddamn where to be found, so you waste more time looking for them. UGH.

So basically I've used up 18 hours just working and sleeping, and with my remaining 6 hours, I'm getting read FOR work or getting ready to leave, which is all a bunch of horse shit. I can't wait til the day I don't have to do this anymore.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Almost 3 months into my job. Not too bad, but now the holiday season is coming, and I can't say that I'm too excited. In a bid to feel more enthused about Christmas, I am now listening to Christmas songs as I write this post. It definitely feels a bit nostalgic as Christmas often does. I don't know why I'm not excited about this holiday season. Maybe because the weather has been an absolute disaster. It has been hot for most of what was apparently supposed to be the 'colder' days. It's definitely starting to get a bit cooler. Christmas time just makes me want to curl up with hot cocoa and sit in the living room watching movies all day long and occasionally getting up and cooking something good to eat. But it doesn't seem like I'm about that life this time around. It also doesn't help that I'm a bit of a rebel and I'm dead set in my belief that we don't have to follow conventional calendar dates of the season. My theory is that if I wanted to celebrate in Christmas, whose to say I'm wrong? I should also add that I don't celebrate things like my birthday.

I guess I'm just tired of all this imaginary about what Christmas is 'supposed' to be like, as seen in all the decor. It's always pictures of snowmen and a jolly old man named Santa, snow, gingerbread man, fireplaces and cliches. I guess I'm just bitter because this country I'm living in doesn't experience conventional Christmas, so I might as well celebrate it non-conventional in July. (Isn't there a song called 'Christmas in July' or was it a movie?)

Almost 2016, which means time to be cliched and write my resolutions (even though I kind of already did in a previous blog post).

Tomorrow I go back to work, I'm kind of excited and kind of not. But I guess that's life. I don't hate my job, but I already know that this isn't a career path. But I guess it's okay for the time being. That and I need to be patient.

So it's that time again where I have to focus on universities. I'm not that excited about the options in this city. It's just so whatever. I guess I have to go somewhere with more possibilities? But I'm not one of those people who believes that I need a conventional degree to succeed because I don't aspire to become a doctor or a lawyer.

I have spent the past 4 years thinking about who I am as a person and sometimes I feel like I still don't know. I think I should spend less time mindlessly browsing YouTube and focus on some soul searching and having a set goal.

Sigh. Life.

Listening to:

Diana Krall - 'Maybe You'll Be There'

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Reflections On 2015

Welcome to December day 1. Realizing that in a few short weeks, 2015 is going to be over. Don't know how I feel about this yet.

Been at this new job for...almost 3 months in 14 days. Things to look forward to: pay cheque and aspiring to prepare more home cooked meals for December. I told myself that I was going to cook throughout November but that fell through. Really need to get into this understanding mindset of 'preparation meets success'.

Good thing about today is that I'm starting work at 12, bad thing is that I end at 10 and I'm wondering how to cope, but I'm sure it'll be fine. There's just this sense within me. I don't loathe my job, I don't love it either. It's a fine line in the middle between dread and complacency. It's just okay, there's nothing more to say about it. I like my coworkers, I like my environment and my bosses are chill, so definitely nothing to complain about. I suppose it's just this sense of 'higher being', like obviously we as people are meant more MORE THAN just standing around serving others, or sitting behind cubicles, or slaving away for unappreciative companies. It's this whole introspective idea of 'live your dreams' or 'find your purpose' or even 'follow your passion' - which are just very vague analyzes of living with intention. It's been 4 years since I've been trying to figure out what the hell my 'passion' is and it's getting a bit frustrating. I feel I definitely need to do some soul searching, but between wanting to receive higher education and saving up money for said education, there doesn't seem to be a grey area of relaxation and being in tune with oneself. Perhaps these are just excuses.

I definitely think I need to be more organized.

I have become more organized in that I've put forth efforts into becoming a minimalist. Definitely not there a hundred percent, but slowly making my climb. I've stopped wanting to mindlessly purchase items, even though all I ever buy is food, groceries and books - occasionally soaps and shampoos. But basically all I ever spend my money on is practical items. I guess I'm just a very practical kind of person. Which means, that my 'divine sense of being' has to be in the realm of practicality, like finding a practical career, whatever that means.

Got 2 hours before work. And I want to watch the Snowden documentary but it's 2 hours long. Guess I had better start watching.

Will reflect more on 2015, probably tomorrow.