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Friday, June 10, 2016


Looking through people who've gone to my high school, it seems there aren't many role models that I consider 'successful' by my standards. Sure, being an achieved person may mean living your dream by pursuing your passion, but my definition is a bit more broad than that.

My idea of success is someone who is able to earn a living doing something they love. From the moment you wake up, it's doing something that has a person in your. Well, to be honest, I haven't figured out what the entirety of my defintion of 'success' is. I do, however, feel that the school system didn't work for me.

When I was younger, I wanted to become an artist. Gradually that dream evolved to me wanting to be an animator. Somewhere along the way that dream faded into me wanting to become an entrepreneur and now that I'm in my early 20s, I'm trying to find balance between creativity and business. I do believe that I am a type of person that could enjoy corporate life, but the versions of corporate life I've seen seem stifling. I want to be a creative corporate type. Perhaps someone in fashion or design. I'd want to be a writer too, because writing keeps me sane. To be honest, I want to be a lot of things - even a genius!

I've come to the realization that I cannot be conformed into a tiny blob to find the stereotype of 'society'. I want to be EVERYTHING! I want to study religion, languages, journalism, media, economics, science and music! I don't necessarily believe in the institutions that we call 'schools' are a safe haven for the curious mind. I just think it's a stepping stone, because no matter how much you pay someone, they cannot instill a thirst of knowledge in you, you find that within yourself.

There are thousands of books I want to read and will want to read. Many I've forgotten about, many I've stopped mid way, and many that I've read til the end but forgotten about. It's true what they say, this life we've got is a short one, and if a god exists, than he's cursed us with a short existence of trying to find what it is we live for.

Friday, May 27, 2016

My Sort of Hectic Life: May

Was reading through my last post (which coincidentally was at the beginning of May) and realized it seems like a good idea to do monthly recaps since I've been too busy to capture my life in other forms of media (for example, one of my goals this year was to make a daily video log, cataloging my days, which I have since failed to do).

This is not so much recapping my month, but recapping my months so far into 2016. I would say that this year has been the closet I have been to being successful towards accomplishing what I have set out to achieve! I've happy with the progress I have achieved and it seems as if this year is rolling rapidly down a hill. But not in a bad way, like spiraling out of control, but it's like a hurricane of successful steps towards goals in my life.

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but it's been almost 10 years since I've started this blog. For my tenth annivary, I was thinking of revamping the blog and making it more easy on the eyes. I want to reflect what I want my life to become...I realized that made more sense in my head than it did on the blog... What I mean to say is, I want to make my blog more beautiful. It's kind of vain, but it's a little treat for myself.

As for the whole veganism part of my life...still taking baby steps. I'm taking miniscule steps. But I'm trying to inform myself more about this lifestyle, because it's not just a diet, it's not just about ME and my tastes. The bigger picture is that it's for the environment and the animals, and that's wayyyy more important than stupid arguments like 'I like bacon' (which I don't). Also, pigs are smarter than dogs. But people are fine with pig slaughter but not with dog festivals in China where they roast dogs. Not trying to sound super preachy, but that's just FACTS. I recently saw this meme that irked me where a person was calling an animal activist stupid for protesting milk as death for cows, because cows don't die for milk. Right. But if you look into animal welfare or what goes on in these breeding farms and what measures it takes for people to extract milk from cows, it's far from pleasant asshole.
Let me just say. If you want to eat meat, that's your prerogative. But at least educate yourself before making yourself seem like a complete douchebag. End of rant.

Moving alone with what happened in the month of May.

Well first thing is that I still think it's MARCH. They both start with 'M', so I guess my brains confused. Nearly half the year is GONE! And I feel like I've done fuck-all.

This month I didn't manage to get any reading done. HORRIBLE! I know! But I did pick up a copy of 'The 7 Habits'. Am excited to read it! Also way behind on my library books being due and stuff. Eck.

I feel like I've spent a lot of time indoors this month. Mostly on my day off. As I get older, the less I want to go out. But that may just be because I don't really like people and crowds in general, and going out means I have to face those things. I did manage to go shopping last week out of neccessity. By necessity I mean find appropriate attire for my college interview. Kind of excited. I signed up for a culinary program. I'm still trying to figure out the details and financial stress of studying abroad...which is still my ultimate dream!

So another thing off my resolutions (applying to uni)!

On the whole 'diet' aspect of things, I feel like I was eating generally better for most of the month. I definitely took a handful of cooked meals to work (as mentioned in previous blog, largely consisting of penne w/ tomato sauce and chili flakes). Definitely didn't go into creative cooking mode. Must've been because I was 'stressing' about school and the fact that I procrastinated applying. But good on me for finally stopping my procrastination and sending the application.

I feel like each month I have 1 main area of focus. Or 1 or 2. Last month was focused on cooking at hoe and reading. I guess they all sort of tie-in with my goals for the year. Regardless, I've definitely gotten more progressive than I did in 2015. Around this time last year, I was most likely unemployed and broke. Now I'm stably employed and have savings for a 'rainy day' (aka my school fund/living fund).

I watched more films this month too! I didn't watch a massive amount like 20 films. I think I only watched 8, including one documentary on El Buli. So that's successful too!

I can't recall any other major things that happened this month. It's been 8 and a half months of working at my current job and the supervisor recently resigned. So good on us I guess. I'm not too bothered by his exodus. I guess he realized he could've maintain a sustainable livelihood at this job. Also, he asked for a raise in an indiscreet way and got rejected. I personally don't think he deserves a raise and LOL'd when my co-worker told me the story. Also, said person who is leaving, is known to be an inconsistent story-teller, so we are always 'fact checking' and it usually ends with him looking like a liar. So good riddance to dead weight!

With that said, I told my bosses that I was thinking of extending my stay for another year come September, so good vibes all around!

I think that's going to be the conclusion for the second edition of my hectic life! I look forward to writing, reading and generally being happier in June!

Good day to you all!

Friday, May 6, 2016

My Sort of Hectic Life

It's finally a new month. And since the last time I posted, there have been some new updates on life. I didn't manage to accomplish reading 6 books last month, but I did complete reading 4 books. April was a fantastic reading journey. I was really enveloped into becoming a bookworm again. Somewhere between finishing book 4 and shifting between books 5 and 6, I fell out of interest with reading. This might have mainly been because I was reading things I weren't really interested in. Pro tip for reading: always find something to read that engages your attention. But I am one of those people that wastes their time trying to preserve. Eventually, if it's been on my shelf for too long, I relent and give it back to the library. But I will be damned if I give in early on. So as it stands, I have still not finished the biography I started reading and 'Brida'. I still find 'Brida' to be a bit tedious. It was like that time I tried to read 'Heart of Darkness' for AP Lit. I even listened to the audio version. Both methods put me to sleep.

BUT. I did read 4 books, which is better than no books.

Second change is that I've started cooking again and have started bringing my own packed lunch to work. Granted it's been easy shit, like pasta with premade sauce, but hey, we all got to start somewhere. I recently went to Jamie Oliver's restaurant here in the city with my friend after our hike. I ordered the penne carbonara, it was kind of a whatever sauce, but the penne was very nice. Anyway, so I have stared to include carbonara in my list of foods that I eat. For those of you who don't know, I am a VERY picky eater, so I'm sure my friends will be happy to know that there is one more food we can include when I pick a restaurant to go to. And yes, it's usually me who picks, because as mentioned, I'm picky. Very picky.

Third, I spent a bunch of money buying faux meats. I was more gungho about my vegan adventure near the end of April. 6 days into May, I seem to have 'fallen off the vegan bandwagon'. I could make excuses and say that it's expensive, but as many a vegans have said on Youtube, that's basically a crock of shit, because fruits and veg are usually cheaper than all meats. So really, I have myself to blame.

That's basically it. My life isn't so crazy. It's been busy. I've been planning my days and planning my meals and I'm really happy to report that I seem to be on the road to succeeding all my New Years' goals! I've started to put more effort into my day(s) off so I don't just sit on my buttocks and wither away watching YouTube videos. But hey, 5 months into the year and I haven't crashed and burned and completely forgotten all my goals. I think that's also because every week in my planner, I put a sticky note of all my goals for the year. I also need to stop procrastinating and send my application to culinary school.

There's not much else to say, but I should get ready to 'de-stress' and go to bed, because I need to wake up early and go to work to open the store. Whoop dee doo.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

A Damper In My Spirit

Been feeling excited about spending about an hour and half every night reading. Of course there will always be a downside to every good, which is: my job. I know that in past posts I've complained a lot about my job and how I kind of detest it at times. There are times that I actually do enjoy my job and rationalize staying, which is what I've been doing for the past 4 months. Since about early December, mid January, I figured it's best if I leave. Granted, I seem to have 'commitment issues' with my job, so I thought it would be better to stay. I'm reading the eight month mark of my job, and I really thought going into this job that I would last a year. It's proving difficult. Why? Well, seeing as how EVERY SINGLE month and sometimes week, there is a different problem plaguing us, it doesn't really seem worth my mental exhaustion at constantly chasing a solution. I'm not joking when I say that there is ALWAYS A PROBLEM at this job. It's as if they are cursed. It's really off-putting and it's upsetting everyone working there. I don't think the bosses really handled this curve ball very well, which goes to show they aren't truly equipped to run a well organized, efficient and successful business. It's very evident when there is always a problem, there is never a solution, or the solution is to make the remaining people work that much harder. In the grand scope of things, this job is of course not the most difficult job in the world, but that does not detract how we are feeling as being any less valid. Just because we are not doctors or lawyers, does not mean that what we do is not physically and mentally exhasting. The physical aspect of it only transpires occassionally, but the mental stress is great.

This past week for example, for the first 2 days we had a staff out cold sick, which of course is perfectly valid. Then starting on Tuesday the lady whose been out for a few months came to work til 1. Then on from 1 til whenever, there's only 2 people. On most days that's a pretty alright schedule. A bit tedious,but alright. However, we have to factor in unknown issues that may arise, for example today there is a large order. So literally yesterday we only had about 4 hours to prep EVERYTHING. The part timer who came abandoned me for 2 hours to go to the doctors, again perfectly valid. But c'mon man, you basically stuck me with 2 people doing less hours than me. How is that fair? I'm stuck working straight through TEN HOURS WITHOUT A DAMN BREAK, and waited an extra half hour because he returned late. And in the morning someone's only working 6 hours, then we got someone only working 8 hours and I'm bloody working 10 and a half hours.

What I'm basically trying to say is, I've had just about enough. It's really not worth wasting 5 more months to get my 'bonus' if that's even going to be a full amount. It's time I leave.

Currently reading: Finders Keepers by Stephen King

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The Truth Does Not Set You Free

Watching the documentary about Aaron Swartz. For those of you that don't know who he is, he was a political activist of sorts. He wanted education to be freed, and in the end, met his demise.

I haven't finished the documentary at this point, I shall have to finish it tomorrow evening after work seeing as I need to spend the next couple of hours reading before bed. This documentary does get me thinking though. In a world that encourages free-thinking, there really isn't any thing of that nature. There is not merit to free, independent, intellectual thinking. It is not appraised. It is falsely praised by 'brilliant' people who use their genius for profit, but others who use it to benefit the 99% get classified as 'trouble makers'. This world does not seek truth. As least, the institutes don't. While people are so worried about the fucking Illuminati, the real Illuminati are the 1% who try to suppress growth from the 'oppressed'. Just Google search people who have become victims for speaking out about the truth. This is the real conspiracy. Truth is a conspiracy. It's sickening to think that most of the world is passively letting unlawful acts go by. Even the law is not your friend. People use it for tactics of manipulation.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


Been spending the past few days invested in finding time to read, learning about veganism and generally relaxing my body. Of course there are other important things I need to do, like finding a good online program for me to join for my uni course. There's things like exercise and health, etc, but the core of my time is invested mainly in reading and watching Q & A's from Gary Yourofsky's speeches. There are a lot of vegan advocates on social media platforms and generally scattered around YouTube, but I don't think they are as - in a sense - as effective as Gary (for lack of a better term). I just think that the way Gary Yourofsky sends his message out there is more logical and better thought out and he reels in his anger so he doesn't sound like he's preaching (even though he is). Out of all the vegans I've seen, I think I prefer watching and getting educated from Gary.

As I mentioned in a post several months ago, I am very interested in going vegan. In those past months, I haven't necessarily transitioned, but in the whole scope of things, I think I have greatly reduced my amount of meat consumption. I don't drink milk or have dairy (generally because I think I am slightly lactose intolerant). Occasionally I'll have cheese if it's on pizza. But I think I should start incorporating vegan milk substitutes, I do drink soy milk often, and I do like almond milk, I've tried rice milk. There's also hemp milk, oat milk, there's a variation of oat and barley milk or something like that. I've read that almond milk contains  more calcium than cow's milk, so people don't need to be concerned about that.

I also generally avoid fish and seafood. I do not like fish, and the fact that our oceans are so polluted and disgusting, does not give me more incentive to eat fish. I'm not saying I am a saint though, once in a blue moon, I will eat pan-fried fish, but I'm most certain it's the cheap stuff that the store is selling, so it's probably not even good for you. Also the whole thing about mercury poisoning in fish gives me another excuse to not consume fish. I also don't understand vegetarians who eat fish. When did fish become a plant? I thought vegetarians didn't eat animal flesh. Did fish somehow become a broccoli? And I'm not saying that to be anal, because you can eat fish and vegetables, but don't call yourself vegetarian, because that's misleading. Call yourself a pescatarian. .

I'm also reading this book about how to be vegetarian, and there's varying degrees of vegetarian. There's something like lacto-ovo vegetarians, which is the general population of vegetarians that consume dairy and eat eggs. There's ovo-veg that eat egg but not dairy, etc ( you can Google 'types of vegetarians' for further reading material). I just don't get vegetarians who eat fish... I mean, okay, it's better than consuming ALL types of meat, but fish is still meat. Don't kid yourself. (There's a guy where I work that's like that, I think I will correct him one day).

Here's the thing with me though, I tend to eat out a lot. I generally consume 2 meals a day (I know that that is not the healthiest meal plan) and both of those meals are generally eaten out. Lunch has very few limitations. There's sort of a 'fast food' chain here where I live that sells rice and things, and then there's KFC (gross) and McDonalds, Starbucks, 7-Eleven and a sandwich deli way yonder. I guess if I was trying to be vegan, there's almost NO options and that's not me copping out, that's me searching my vicinity. Of course the obvious choice is, why don't you just pack your own lunch. See, I've had intentions of doing that since maybe November or early December and now it's almost mid-April and my lazy ass hasn't done it. The only excuse I can give is just that - I'm fucking lazy. For a while there, I did use to make a veggie wrap, made with sliced bell peppers, sprinkled with a ton of pepper, and a bit of vegan cheese...but I got lazy. The other alternative I used to make before I started working was eating penne with tomato sauce and 2 sausages. I generally don't like pork sausages so I had chicken sausage and once even tried turkey sausage. I think there's research out there that actually says chicken is the worst poultry to consume because of the whole caging system and how it's unhygienic. I believe it. I should probably start packing a lunch. My other excuse for why I don't pack a lunch is because I get really overwhelmed with what I want to cook, even though realistically, I could probably survive on eating the SAME meal for at least 3 months before getting tired of it, so it's not really a good excuse.

I am put in my goals for 2016 to TRANSITION slowly into the vegan lifestyle. I don't know why but there's this sort of 'insecurity' that I feel. One of them being 'well what if I want to become a chef, how will I become a chef if I limit my palette'. Which I think is bullshit, because I doubt that veganism limits your palette, in fact, I think it diversifies it. I don't care much for people's perceptions of what I'd be consuming less of, but I'm just worried about a future prospect, which is stupid, because I never even 100% considered becoming a chef. Although, I do want to open a restaurant, in which case it'd be BETTER if I opened a veg shop, because:

1. It's better for the environment
2. I could introduce people into a healthier alternative

Like that place 'Loving Hut' (which I have yet to try, but want to go, I'm trying to coerce one of my more health conscious friends to go with me).

The thing about me is that I needlessly worry about things that don't need to be worried about. Well, for the time being anyway.

Besides, I kind of also want to be events planner, which doesn't mean I'm going to be sitting on my ass all day eating steak (not that I eat cows now).

Anyway, I think this has been a long enough post, so I'm going to go now and watch more videos, take a shower, buy some meds (I'm sick) and go to the library and continue reading.

Currently reading: Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter, Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot (re-read)

Saturday, April 9, 2016

When Life Gives You Coughing Lemons...Find Some Lemon Cough Drops

Apparently, I've fell back into the trap of not blogging. In my defense, I've been trying to get a stronghold on my 2016 goals, and do some more reading. Also, I've been feeling under the weather. Work is still a hassle, no surprise there. I would do a work update, but there's been a shit storm of drama happening, I don't know where to start the whole catch up process.

Although (briefly), my boss did get into an argument with the lady whose never at work because she's always sick, I've been wanting really desperately to quit (and am on the verge of handing in my resignation), one of my bosses broke up with his girlfriend (according to him 'amicably') and I really want to quit. It's important to reiterate the desire to quit, because my tolerance threshold is dangerously low. But we're not here to talk about that, because I'll end up in a horrible mood.

I did manage to finally read a damn book this month after 2 bleak months of only reading about a book a month. I've read 2 books already, and it's only the ninth. I'm rather proud of myself.

Earlier this week (and near the end of last week), I started feeling under the weather. It started off with me coughing a bit every few days. It turned into, me losing my voice and getting meds, to me actually having coughing fits and getting a runny nose. Way to go medicine. I bought some over-the-counter cough syrup, because I thought it was nothing serious. Right. So after I took that, I started to lose my voice. So I didn't go to work sometime last week, and dragged my ass to a doctor. I didn't go to my 'regular' doctor, because they were packed and I didn't feel like waiting or talking to the nurse in a really raspy, barely audible voice. Also, the nurse there kind of gets on my nerves. So I went to the other doctor, about 15 minutes away. He might be blind, or the nurses are daft, because they circled me as 'male'. I am not a male. Way to go. So that was basically a waste of my money, because I specially told the doctor, I lost my voice AND I'm getting sick. I think I also hinted that I needed cough meds, but I guess when he was checking my inhaling techniques, he thought I wouldn't develop a chesty cough(even though I told him that).

So my plan of attack is to buy more shitty over-the-counter cough syrup, because fuck the fact that I need to sell out another couple hundred dollars so some 'doctor' can give me the wrong meds. Clearly, I'm not better and I'm hella bitter about it. I hate being sick.

Also, everyone where I work is apparently fucking sick. My boss is coming in to work tomorrow and he told me he needs to go early to 'go see the doctor'. I swear to god, if he says anything, I'm gonna give him a piece of mind and tell him I got worse because he pressured me to come back to work when I wasn't actually well. Might I add that the other lady's been out since almost the beginning of the year. She's been at work, but she's been present less than 50% of the time, so excuse me, if I seem fucking annoyed.

Life's pretty devoid of action. I've been recently re-inspired to start reading again because of BookTube and me YouTube-ing 'finding time to read'. Listening to people giving reading tips, makes me want to read.

It's only 9 pm and I'm very sleepy. Had corn and cup noodles for dinner. Maybe that's why my immune systems gone to hell.

Was gonna watch a movie or watch an episode of 'The Closer'...that's not happening. Might read and go to bed.

I got a headache.

Fuck this shit.

Currently reading: Insomnia by Stephen King & Pretty Girls by Karin Slaughter